Monday, 23 January 2012 21:04

By Bruce Apar
Mayor, PennySaver Community

When decades ago The Mamas & The Papas sang about “words of love, so soft and tender,” the ‘60s group wasn’t harmonizing about death. But never are words of love more heartfelt or necessary or comforting than when mourning comes.

It came without warning and with horror recently to the Yorktown family of young Patrick Werner, whose life ended tragically Jan. 15. The immediate outpouring in tribute to the rookie officer who had just finished working his way through the New York City Police Academy included long lines of mourners outside Yorktown’s Clark Funeral Home, standing in frigid temperatures to pay their respects to parents Jacquelyn and Paul and sister Danielle, and to console each other as best they could manage.

I know the Werners, if not intimately, then enough to know what a warm, giving and popular family they are in the community they serve as volunteers and model citizens. As with other families in Yorktown and beyond, including ours, they’re now members of the world’s most exclusive club nobody ever wants to join: those who have lost young children and siblings.

We expect to outlive our parents. We neither expect nor want to outlive our offspring. People understandably struggle with what to say, how to act when confronting parents who freefall into that netherworld from which there is no return.

Nothing you can say sounds adequate, because it never can be. Nothing sounds appropriate, because, despite the certainty of death for each of us, when a child passes it is as unnatural as it is unfathomable and unbearable. “I can’t imagine” is the refrain I’ve heard for nearly nine years since Harrison left us.

I have a different perspective, unfortunately. I am left only to imagine enjoying the presence of a son who today would be 24, who I could hug and love in the flesh instead of merely in spirit.

I feel obliged to tell families like the Werners, “You don’t need to be strong. You need to grieve. Let it out.” It’s one of our society’s great and terrible myths that suppressing emotions for a loved one lost is a sign of strength. It’s a weakness, a fear. I learned in the worst way possible that letting my tears trickle down in public empowered me with pride, born of naked love.

I was crying Harrison just as the Werners are crying Patrick.  Be strong? Be natural. Trying vainly to deny yourself the rapture of outwardly mourning for your own flesh and blood is weak and unnatural. Put another way, the saddest thing of all is not to be sad. 

At the funeral mass at St. Patrick’s Church on Jan. 19, Danielle delivered as poignant and potent and honest a eulogy as I’ve heard. It was brave too, as she soldiered through the veil of tears that flow like a mighty river to carry us onward when grief seizes us by the throat. Here it is in full:

“Patrick was my younger brother. And how can you sum up your brother’s life in a few minutes, because one thing Patrick hated was long speeches.

“I believed Patrick would always make something of himself, and I never stopped pestering him about what he was doing, or what his plans were, or how he was going to accomplish his goals. I don’t think I can explain our relationship, but I have never been so proud of him, and so happy for what he had accomplished.

“Throughout this impossible time, our family has learned nothing short of how much he meant to his extended family, his friends, his employers, his teammates, and his fellow officers.

“He was dedicated and he was proud of becoming a New York City Police Officer.

“My mother and father were Patrick’s support, from supporting him through school, to driving down to his first day on the job to bring him his badge he forgot. No matter what happened, they were always there for him, and he knew that. They always pushed him to strive for the best, and he did accomplish what he wanted because they were behind him completely.

“You may not have known that Patrick was the best Girl Scout in my troop, or that he used to count time in Batman [TV] shows. So when we were driving to Florida, it was 40 Batman shows. Or that every Sunday dinner, no matter how long dinner lasted, he knew exactly when to say, “Okay Grandma, I’ll take you home now,” just in time to get out of dishes. Patrick would always sit around a table and listen, most of the time waiting to put in a quick line that would sum up your life’s problems. He was messy and disorganized, but he would never leave the house with a hair out of place and dressed just right.

“Patrick was as simple as he was complex; he could make all your problems make sense, or he could leave your head spinning. Patrick could run like the wind, but he volunteered to be the [lacrosse] goalie.

“Patrick is my daughter’s godfather. But would not hold her when she was first born. He waited and waited, didn’t matter how hard everyone tried to convince him. But in true Patrick fashion, he came in one day, went straight to Madison, as he always did, picked her up and walked away with her to play, as if he had been holding her forever. Patrick didn’t do anything he couldn’t do right. He would watch and listen and learn, and when he was ready, he would do it right.

“He never said a lot, but he had a lot to say. One of his teachers once told my mother what took others pages to write, Patrick wrote in three sentences. No Fluff. Just direct and to the point. His one-liners could always make you laugh.

“There are not enough words to explain how much my family will miss Patrick. But we are overwhelmed with the support around us. As we all come together with our own memories of Patrick and the times we spent with him, we all join hands together and will continue to lean on each other for support.

“I have learned from my brother that there is always another way of looking at an impossible situation. And as I stand and look at you all today, you are our reason. Together we will remember, and honor his short life. I will not mourn his loss, but rather celebrate his life, and what he had become.

“We cannot truly thank you all enough for you love and support. It is a true testament to Patrick’s life, and how we lived our lives. And while his life was short, he’ll live with us forever.”

Read Bruce the Blog daily at www.PennySaver Community.com. Follow on Twitter @BrucetheBlog. “Bruce the Blog Goes Bazzo!” airs on upper Westchester County (N.Y.) Cablevision Channels 74 and 15 Thursdays at 10 p.m. and is on YouTube. "Grace Notes" with Yorktown Supervisor Michael Grace, hosted by Bruce Apar, airs repeatedly throughout each week on Yorktown Government TV channel 20. Email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for more info.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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15 May 2012
Mom & Pop Culture Phone It In
Mom & Pop Culture Phone It In

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY MOM CULTURE: Pop, remember when we used to talk to each other? POP CULTURE: Didn’t know we stopped, Mom. MC: I mean on the phone. PC: It hasn’t all gone to seed. You still talk to me when I’m on the phone – with someone else. MC: Why is that? PC: I don’t know. You tell me why you talk to me when I’m speaking with someone on the phone, Mom.It’s one of the great mysteries of our 48-1/2-year union. MC: Not that you’re counting or anything. PC: I only count the blissful years, Dear. All 48-1/2 of ‘em. MC: Well, I meant why is it that people don’t talk on the phone like we used to?

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09 May 2012
ASAP? Not So Soon!

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY Lately, when I write the acronym ASAP, I can't help wonder if the recipient is reading that the same way I intend it. Acronyms can be funny little devices, at least this one in particular. When you see ASAP, don't you associate it with a task getting done immediately? I tend to too. But the words those initials represent are As Soon As Possible, which means not necessarily right now, or even tomorrow, but whenever I practicably can get to the task. I may begin to spell out ASAP instead of using shorthand to ensure my audience takes from it what I mean by it.

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09 May 2012
Mom & Pop Culture Get YOUnited

You know Mom & Pop Culture. We all do. They are us. They surround us. They appear on reality TV shows. They eat, drink and sleep gossip. They complain that people complain too much. Let’s listen in as they get ready to call it a day in the life… [Full Disclosure: The author chairs Yorktown Organizations United in Westchester County.] MOM CULTURE: Pop, ever hear of this book “Bowling Alone”? POP CULTURE: [CHUCKLING] You calling me a pinhead, Mom? MC: You? Never! You like life in the fast lane, having a ball. PC: At least you didn’t say my mind’s in the gutter. MC: Anyhoo, it’s from 2000, by Robert Putnam, subtitled, “The Collapse and Revival of American Community.” PC: Collapse sounds cynical. What’s his beef? MC: His research claimed people have been drifting away from belonging to traditional civic organizations. PC: Not us. We love the Lions and Rotary and all those groups. They do a tremendous amount of good. MC: That’s why we belong and volunteer. But we’re also considered the old guard. PC: Thanks for the words of encouragement, Mom. MC: No, it’s just that younger families do volunteer work too, but their circle of influence tends to be things like youth sports. You know, that whole “soccer mom” thing. PC: Yeah, but then you also have a lot of young solid citizens doing community service through local teen centers and groups like Lions Club’s Leos and their schools. MC: It’s mandatory now in more schools. PC: As it should be. MC: Even so, it seems volunteerism altogether has declined. Remember the woman from United Way’s Volunteer Center who came to the Yorktown Organizations United meeting? PC: Oh, sure. She was bowled over herself by all the enthusiasm in the room, saying New York...

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08 May 2012
Happy Another Day
Happy Another Day

BY BRUCE APAR MAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY I have mixed feelings about Sunday, May 13. The sentiment behind it is as wholesome as motherhood and apple pie. The need to set aside but a single day out of every 365 to honor the cause of our existence is a curiosity, if not downright patronizing. Maybe my mixed feelings also hark from the relationship I had with my Mother. It ended abruptly, in the worst way.  September 1959. I had just gotten home from grade school. Rose Apar, part-time beautician now that she mothered three sons 9, 12 and 18, was with a client in the makeshift hair salon in our Long Island Cape Cod home’s rec room.

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01 May 2012
Mom & Pop Culture See Talley’s Folly
Mom & Pop Culture See Talley’s Folly

BY BRUCE APAR MAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITYLanford Wilson’s Pulitzer Prize and Tony winning romantic dramedy Talley’s Folly, produced by Hudson Stage, is at Pace University’s Woodward Hall Theater on the Briarcliff Manor campus through Saturday, May 12. For ticket information: hudsonstage.com or (914) 271-2811. Mom Culture: Pop, what do you want to do this weekend. Pop Culture: We need to get out, Mom. I’m going to go stir crazy if I watch any more inane TV sitcoms. And every other channel is showing a police procedural. It’s enough to give me a rubber neck. I’m hankering for some meat and potatoes. MC: You mean a steakhouse? PC: No, I mean entertainment with some meat on it, and some starch in it. MC: Well, Cousin Sophie was speaking very highly of this play at Hudson Stage. We always like their shows. PC: What is it? MC: It’s called Talley’s Folly. PC: Odd name. Is it like the Ziegfeld Follies, or that Sondheim musical Follies? MC: [Laughing] No, Pop. It’s a contemporary classic by that famous playwright who recently passed. His name is Lanford Wilson.

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27 Apr 2012
Mom & Pop Culture Dance Bandstand
 Mom & Pop Culture Dance Bandstand

By Bruce Apar Mayor, PennySaver Community You know Mom & Pop Culture. We all do. They are us. They surround us. They appear on reality TV shows. They eat, drink and sleep gossip. They complain that people complain too much. Let’s listen in as they get ready to call it a day in the life… MOM CULTURE: I miss Dick Clark already, Pop. POP CULTURE: Talk about an American original. MC: How do you mean? PC: You know how sometimes we’ll say about a person, “He reminds me of ….” MC: Yes. PC: Well, what they say about genius is that the person reminds you of no one else. Pure invention of self in a way nobody else had thought of previously. That’s Dick Clark.

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18 Apr 2012
Mom & Pop Culture Go Site-Impaired
Mom & Pop Culture Go Site-Impaired

BY BRUCE APAR MAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY You know Mom & Pop Culture. We all do. They are us. They surround us. They appear on reality TV shows. They eat, drink and sleep gossip. They complain that people complain too much. Let’s listen in as they get ready to call it a day in the life… MOM CULTURE: Pop, how do these government websites work? POP CULTURE: How so, Mom? MC: I mean their purpose is what exactly?

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05 Apr 2012
Mom & Pop Culture Go Rogue
Mom & Pop Culture Go Rogue

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY You know Mom & Pop Culture. We all do. They are us. They surround us. They appear on reality TV shows. They eat, drink and sleep gossip. They complain that people complain too much. Let’s listen in as they get ready to call it a day in the life… MOM CULTURE: Pop, you see that cutie pie Sarah Palin has popped up on the Today Show as a guest anchor? I have to tune in. POP CULTURE: Popped up, or popped off?

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04 Apr 2012
One Cool Coach
One Cool Coach

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITYIf you believe the adage “youth is wasted on the young,” odds are you haven’t been of late to a youth recreation sports game, where youth is wasted on the occasional parent behaving immoderately. Coach Jerry Costa of Bayside, Queens, will have none of it, and he’s to be applauded for “getting it,” as well as for giving his charges and their caregivers guidance in sportsmanship that doubles as life lessons. His tone may sound rough around the edges, but if you’ve ever had to cope with the limitless supply of parents in youth sports who truly believe their 12 year old is a major league prospect already guaranteed a full ride at a D1 college, you know Jerry’s just being realistic in telling it like it is and putting parents in their place -- in the stands as respectful spectators, not backseat coaches. Thanks to my compatriot Joel Forbes on Yorktown Athletic Club’s Board of Directors for passing along The Wit & Wisdom of Coach Jerry, exemplified by these samples from www.jerrycosta.com:

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26 Mar 2012
Happy New Year
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BY BRUCE APAR MAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY Don’t fool yourself. Once upon a very long time ago, according to Infoplease.com, “Ancient cultures, including those of the Romans and Hindus, celebrated New Year's Day on or around April 1. It closely follows the vernal equinox (March 20 or 21.) In medieval times, much of Europe celebrated March 25, the Feast of Annunciation, as the beginning of the new year.” The conscious reason I did not consult Wikipedia on this matter is pertinent to the topic at hand: Fools and Foolishness. (I count myself squarely among the Fools, by the way: I’m heading into rehearsals for a Neil Simon play by that very title, courtesy of The Armonk Players and director Pia Haas. It’s about a fictional town in the Ukraine where the entire populace has been brainwashed into believing they are fools by dint of an evil Count’s curse.)

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14 Mar 2012
March Gladness
March Gladness

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY At first blush, this column was titled “March Sadness.” It is selfish self-therapy externalized. For the past nine spring awakenings, I publish some form of this column as a memoriam to our Harrison, who traveled way up north March 21, 2003, the day after we celebrated his seemingly successful third open heart surgery – and my birthday.

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08 Mar 2012
From ‘Gershwinner’ to Reality Drama
From ‘Gershwinner’ to Reality Drama

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITYAll you need to know about what I think of a certain legendary sibling composing team of the 20th Century is that I used to own two cats, and one of their names was Gershwin (the other Sondheim). The Brothers Gershwin – musical George, verbal Ira – were a pair of creative geniuses for the price of one, a songwriting team who prodigiously authored Great American Songbook standards that have not only endured but rudely remind us “they just don’t write ‘em like that anymore,” more’s the pity. Their work was as inspired and romantic as it was accessible in its sentiment and unerring in their melodies.

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07 Mar 2012
Catch the Steve Katz Video That's Making News
Catch the Steve Katz Video That's Making News

  The "Bruce the Blog Goes Bazzo!" original, full-length video interview with New York State Assembly member (District 99) Steve Katz that made headlines all over the region in recent days will be posted shortly on YouTube in its 30-minute entirety.  The controversial segment of the "Bruce the Blog Goes Bazzo!" weekly community affairs television series was shown on Cablevision channels 74 and 15 for the first time at its full-length on March 8 at 10 p.m..

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05 Mar 2012
Bruce the Blog: I've Seen This Movie Before
Bruce the Blog: I've Seen This Movie Before

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITYA career or so ago, your faithful (and at times fitful) observer plied his trade in the back end of Hollywood, running publications read by retailers who sold and rented movies, videogames and the like. Movie industry people are fun and a half in the Never-A-Dull-Moment Department. Take the guy who helped perfect the digital video disc, stamping his name on key patents.

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24 Feb 2012
Voting for L.O.P. vs. M.V.P.
Voting for L.O.P. vs. M.V.P.

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITYChances are you’ve never heard of Paul Klein, at least not the Paul Klein I’m invoking, blogwise. He was the king of television audience measurement in the 1960s as an employee of NBC. Through the romantic gauze of contemporary history, that era to baby boomers is forever associated with the music from Lerner & Loewe Broadway musical Camelot – JFK’s famous fave – which is fitting for the likes of Mr. Klein and then-Federal Communications Commissioner Newton N. Minow. In their separate but sanguine points of view, commercial television, for its part in those days, could boast little more than “brief shining moments.”

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09 Feb 2012
Bruce the Blog: Yorktown Uncorks The Winery
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BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY [Full disclosure: Bruce Apar chairs a Community Affairs initiative under Town of Yorktown Supervisor Michael Grace, and Tom DeChiaro chaired the Transition Committee for Supervisor-elect Grace between Election Day and New Year's Day Inauguration.] What a difference an election makes. For Tom DeChiaro, it translates to accomplishing in six weeks what he's been trying to do for more than six years: receive from the Town of Yorktown a Certificate of Occupancy (CO) for his business, The Winery at St. George. The vintage moment finally arrived approximately 9:30 p.m. on Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2012 at a town board meeting, when a resolution was passed to grant him the coveted document. He purchased the building in August 2005. What's that old Gallo commercial line about not serving wine before it's time?

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30 Jan 2012
Bye, Bye, iPad, iCried
Bye, Bye, iPad, iCried

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITY  Do people in Occupy Wall Street’s hyperbolic 99% not own iPads, while those in OWS’s equally simplistic 1% are the only ones who own iPads? In no way am I part of an economically advantaged 1%, yet I can’t see eye to eye with the blur and caricaturization of America that is the collective conceit of the 99%. As one who used to work on the periphery of Hollywood, the shallowness of the ramshackle OWS movement resembles a not-so-slickly produced reality show on wheels in search of a coherent story line and compelling lead characters. 

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23 Jan 2012
The Need to Grieve
The Need to Grieve

By Bruce Apar Mayor, PennySaver Community When decades ago The Mamas & The Papas sang about “words of love, so soft and tender,” the ‘60s group wasn’t harmonizing about death. But never are words of love more heartfelt or necessary or comforting than when mourning comes. It came without warning and with horror recently to the Yorktown family of young Patrick Werner, whose life ended tragically Jan. 15. The immediate outpouring in tribute to the rookie officer who had just finished working his way through the New York City Police Academy included long lines of mourners outside Yorktown’s Clark Funeral Home, standing in frigid temperatures to pay their respects to parents Jacquelyn and Paul and sister Danielle, and to console each other as best they could manage.

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21 Jan 2012
Resolution 2012.21: Bright Snow, Dim Bulbs
Resolution 2012.21: Bright Snow, Dim Bulbs

BY BRUCE APARMAYOR, PENNYSAVER COMMUNITYMost motorists have the brights to appreciate there are at least two good reasons vehicles have headlights: 1) so the operator can illuminate the road ahead when natural or street lighting isn’t enough; 2) so other operators easily can see your vehicle, especially in a rear view mirror or with peripheral vision when visibility is less than ideal, such as inclement weather, early morning, late afternoon and what skiers know as “flat conditions,” where lack of sun obscures details in your line of sight such as contours under foot or moving objects at a distance.  Resolution today is never to fully accept, and to point out persistently, that there still exist too many dim bulbs on the road, those being vehicles with headlights stubbornly not turned on even when visibility warrants otherwise.  Take today, in Northern Westchester County (N.Y.), where my sojourn to a train station in Croton-on-Hudson, to fetch my 21-year-old daughter Elissa and her friend Colette, brought me headlight to deadlight with a smattering of vehicles inexplicably flaunting dim bulbs, despite snow falling and very flat visibility. You need to be able to know there’s a vehicle in your rear view mirror even without looking directly in that mirror. Today’s the kind of day when a car without illumination easily blends into the background, thus dangerously camouflaged.  Adding to my resolve not to understand how such motorists think (or don’t) is the fact they must notice others have headlights burning bright. Do they think it’s just an affectation, a conceit, an errant use of battery power?  Oh, there’s another, third good reason worth adding to the couple aforementioned. In the state of New York, having headlights on when windshield wipers are needed — as is the case with any form of precipitation — is a law. Eh, what the...

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Thursday, 17 May 2012

     5/17/2012--News12.com

     5/16/2012--LocalPutnam.com

     Local Library Receives
     Anyonymous Donation

     5/16/2012--Yorktown.Patch

     5/16/2012--TheDailyPeekskill

     5/15/2012--TheDailyPeekskill


This Week's Community Event
Event: A Presentation of NYSERDA's Energy $mart Communities Program
Date: Mon, May 21st 7:30pm
Location: Yorktown Town Hall
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5/8/2012 -- CLICK TO ENLARGE

NCN Cartoon 5/8/2012  |  Happy Mothers Day!